Did Somebody Say Bond?
by Mad Dragon Duo
Summary: grins See title. The X-Men gang do Bond. 'Nuff said.
1. The Madness Begins

~~A/N: We don't think anyone's done anything like this before… *grins* Should be fun. Oh, by the way: I (That's Marina, Twin Two) own the Director, one of my many personalities and nothing else. If you want to use her, give me a bell. Anyway, on with the show!~~ 

Setting: a large room. Three couches are arranged in a semi-circle with two plain chairs at either end. There are two doors, on opposite walls.

_The X-Team wander in, one at a time, reading their scripts carefully. ROGUE  enters first, followed closely by BOBBY. She nudges him and points to something on her script. Bobby smiles and whispers something to her. She giggles, and they sit down on one of the couches, sitting close to each other.  PROFESSOR XAVIER  is next in. He nods to the pair on the couch and wheels next to them. STORM  is next. She walks in, nodding hellos, and flops full-length on the second couch. PYRO wanders in, holding his script in one hand and playing with his lighter in the other. He sits cross-legged on a chair next to the couch Bobby and Rogue are sitting on.  There is a quick flash of blue, then black near the door. A split-second later, NIGHTCRAWLER appears, sitting in the second chair. Everyone looks up as he flashes in, and he gives them a "Hello" wave. MAGNETO and MYSTIQUE arrive, Magneto remarking, "Well, my dear, seems once again we are the enemy of mankind." She grins at him and they take up residency on the third and final couch. The sound of voices is heard and SCOTT, JEAN and LOGAN enter, the men in the middle of an argument. _

LOGAN: You tell me, Scooter, just why YOU are going to be Bond instead of me? 

_Logan snarls. Scott smirks._

SCOTT: Why don't you ask the director? _He nods towards another door where the DIRECTOR has just entered. She is of average height with long brown hair and wearing a black top and skirt. _

DIRECTOR: Ask me what?  

_Logan scowls again._

LOGAN: Why's Scooter playin' Bond instead of me?

_The Director raises her eyebrows_. 

DIRECTOR: I thought that would have been obvious. 

_Scott's smirk broadens, and it seems Jean is fighting a giggle. Logan's eyes narrow. _

LOGAN: [_dangerously_]Please. Enlighten me.

_The Director grins._

DIRECTOR: Simple. Scott has these two little things I like to call Charm and Charisma. All he has to do is wink at a girl and she'll fall head-over-heels.

_Scott grins and winks at the Director, who obediently swoons. She notices Jean's glare and grins._

DIRECTOR: It's OK Jeannie, I ain't making any moves on your man, just commenting that DAMN he's fine!

_ Jean grins. Logan is still glaring. The Director giggles, then clears her throat, pulling a pencil from behind her ear._

DIRECTOR: Right. Everyone here?

_She does a quick head-count._

DIRECTOR:  Yep, good. Now, I trust you have all read your scripts? 

_Nods from everyone and a scowl from Logan._

DIRECTOR: OK. This is a basic Bond script: evil bad guy has developed new thing to destroy the world, Bond has to stop it, blah blah blah. Scott, as I think you've guessed, is Bond. Magneto is the bad guy… 

MAGNETO: _[muttering]_ Again.

_The Director hears and glares at him before continuing_.

DIRECTOR: … along with Mystique and Pyro, who plays a former 00 agent gone bad, kinda like Alec Trevalyan from Goldeneye. There's gonna be this great showdown scene between you and Bobby. It's gonna be fantastic. Bobby, Rogue and Storm are fellow MI6 agents who help Bond out at different points along the way. The Professor will take on the role of M, with Nightcrawler playing Q. I myself will cameo as Moneypenny, 'cause she's never in it for very long.

PROFESSOR X: Neither is M or Q, as far as I remember.

DIRECTOR: Yeah, but M gets to tell off Bond and Q gets neat one-liners and funky gadgets.

_Xavier nods._

PROFESSOR X: True. 

DIRECTOR: Right then. Get your collective butts over to Costume and Makeup PDQ! 

_Pyro looks confused_. 

PYRO: What does PDQ mean?

DIRECTOR: Pretty Damn Quick! Now move it! 

_The X-men scramble out of the room. The Director grins and flumps down on a couch, checking things on her clipboard. _

~~A/N: Well, that's Chapter One done! If you have anything you especially want to see, gadgets and suchlike, let us know!~~ 


	2. Bitchfighting!

~~Eep! Just realised we forgot to include the disclaimer in Chap One! *Beep!* Well, here it is now: We own nothing, except the plot, Marina and Kat, being as they are us. 

Hope you all enjoyed the first chapter. Here's Chapter 2! And *gasp* this one actually has PLOT! WOW! By the way, if you're wondering why Kat and the Director seem to have such big parts, it's because when we get to the actual 'filming,' they won't be seen very much. 

Sorry this took so long!!!!!!!! Computer errors: i.e. Kat's brother crashing her computer (Kat butts in) TWICE! Doing the same ****ing thing!!!! (Marina takes over) 12 hours after she got it fixed. Hopefully Chapter 3 will be faster!!

Note from Marina: Whoops! Forgot to mention what Logan was! Oh well, I don't like the prick anyway. Well… you'll have to wait and see…~~

Note from Kat: : *sigh* I have tried to get her not to insult characters that she doesn't like. But I think insulting people is one of her character flaws. ;) 

Marina: *gives Evil Death-Glare* FEAR ME!!!

Now: Chapter Two!!

_Scene: the same as before. The Director still lies on the couch, humming the "James Bond" theme. After half an hour, she looks at her watch. She frowns, as no one is back yet._

DIRECTOR: (_to herself_) Surely at least Scott should be back by now?

_Speak of the devil. SCOTT wanders back into the room, looking the same as he did before. Everyone else follows, unchanged. The Director stands up, annoyed._

DIRECTOR: _(peeved) _Why aren't you in costume?

SCOTT: Not finished.

DIRECTOR: What?

SCOTT: The costumes. They're not finished.

_The Director fumes. She picks up her clipboard and storms out down the corridor. The X-gang follow, curious. The Director storms into the Costume and Makeup room, confronting a pile of fabric. _

DIRECTOR: Why aren't the costumes done yet? I gave you the deadline a week ago! How are we supposed to have a Dress Rehearsal without the costumes!?!

KAT, the Costume and Makeup guru, struggles out from under the pile. She scowls up at the Director. She flicks her purple hair over her shoulder and adjusts her angel snake top and jeans. 

KAT: Look, you try making or finding costumes for ALL these people, making them look good, PLUS doing all the gadgets for Q AND GETTING IT ALL DONE IN A WEEK!!!!!!

DIRECTOR: OH FOR THE LOVE OF THE TWINS!!! I HAD THE SCRIPT DONE A MONTH AGO!!! 

She hears a soft snicker behind her: PYRO has given them away. She whirls and confronts them. 

DIRECTOR: WHAT ARE YOU STARING AT?!?!?! 

They scarper, fast. The Director turns back to Kat, who looks confused. 

KAT: "For the love of the Twins?" Who are the Twins?

DIRECTOR: ARHHHHH, WILL YOU JUST GO AND SEE THE MATRIX ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!!****

KAT: sighs there's just now use talking to you when you in one of these moods

DIRECTOR: WHAT MOOD?????

She visibly forces herself to calm down. 

DIRECTOR: (in a tight voice) My personal assistants.  (She raises her voice and calls, clicking her fingers.) Twins! 

KAT: I don't need personal assistants. They never get anything right. Anyway, I understand that people like you need…

 She is cut off with a yelp as the TWINS ghost in through the wall and solidify, coming to stand on either side of the Director, who smirks. 

DIRECTOR: Ah, my Twins. Now… I suggest you GET THE BLOODY COSTUMES READY BEFORE I HAVE YOUR GUTS FOR GARTERS!!!!!

The Director storms out, back towards where the cast is waiting, the Twins following. Pausing outside the door, she motions to the Twins, who wait as she opens the door and goes in.  Her immediate reaction is to duck. Turns out BOBBY and PYRO have been playing around, with Pyro throwing up fireballs and Bobby freezing them. One comes sailing toward her head, and she ducks FAST. Everyone stops when she straightens up, a look of thunder on her face. Her face has gone red. Bobby and Pyro slip behind LOGAN and SCOTT. 

DIRECTOR: NOT HAPPY JAN!!!!  

She raises her hand again.

DIRECTOR: TWINS!!!

The Twins ghost in through the door. ROGUE screams and hides behind Bobby, while Logan whips his claws out and goes to stab TWIN ONE. The claws pass straight through him. The Director smirks. 

DIRECTOR: Did you really think you could hurt my Twins, fuzzy? Now… START LEARNING YOUR LINES!!

She stalks out. The Twins smirk at Logan and follow. 

Beat.

LOGAN: Well, someone's in a bad mood today…

PYRO: (softly) Does someone have PMT?

All the girls hear, and glare at him.

~~Marina's A/N: Bwaha! Yes, I lave the Twins as my personal assistants!! Muaha!!

Kat A/N: we got reviews. Joy!! Thanks. *hugs all round*  we promise to update soon.

Big thank you to alllllll our reviewers!!!

SilverCross: Here's an update!

Chic: Yes he does have a part, but you'll just have to wait and see…

i_luv_elfie_bois : update here!!

Pyro's Girl: Will do! We both love Pyro too!

Artemisn: Storm's already in there. She's another MI6 agent…

charlie-luna-girl: *grins* Will do!

Wallace: OK. References will be included.

Steph: Look, more!

Rogue15 : Don't worry, the exploding pen will be included. (Marina Says) My favourite gadget!!

monstertr0n: Hey hey hey!!! I personally prefer Scott… dreamy… And as before said, Logan will be included… (Marina starts muttering) Stupid bloody Wolverine, everyone thinks he's soo _good…_ (Kat bashes her with a baseball bat.) Shut up! 

RogueVampyr: Don't worry… LOTS of things will explode… (Authoresses grin maniacally. Kat butts in) A couple of flying monkeys will add some spice to the thing as well… 

Chapter Three on the way!!


	3. Rehearsals

~~A/N: Hello again all!! My god: 19 Reviews!! We are SOOOOOOOOO happyyyyyyyy!!! Anyways, here is Chapter Three! Random Stupidities abound! Next chapter: Filming Commences!  

CHAPTER 3: Rehearsals.

_Scene: The same. _

_SCOTT and JEAN sit side-by-side on the centre couch, reading over their scripts. PYRO, BOBBY and ROGUE re-enter, conversing over their scripts.  Rogue looks extremely peeved about something. Bobby is trying not to grin. STORM wanders in, muttering something under her breath. She sits on the couch next to the one Scott and Jean are sitting on.  She notices Scott grinning and grins back at him. She has to ask:_

STORM: And you are?

SCOTT: (_grinning) _Bond, James Bond. 

_Jean grins. Scott turns to her._

SCOTT: Summers. Scott Summers. And you are?

JEAN: Lake. Scarlet Lake.

_Bobby cuts in._

BOBBY: Frost. Jason Frost.

_Rogue grins and adds her contribution._

ROGUE: Wilde. Lucy Wilde.

_Bobby grins and kisses her gloved hand. _

BOBBY: A pleasure to meet you Miss Wilde.

_She curtsies back._

ROGUE: And you too, Mr Frost.

_Pyro throws a cushion at them._

PYRO: Inferno. Alex Inferno.

_Storm laughs._

STORM: Elektra. Nadine Elektra.

_Jean laughs._

JEAN: Grey. Jean Grey.

_Pyro grins and cuts in._

PYRO: Grey. Earl Grey!

_Stunned looks from everyone. Professor X speaks._

PROFESSOR X: Picard. Jean-Luc Picard. 

_Stunned looks again. Bobby grins. _

BOBBY: Powers. Austin Powers.

Laughter. Bobby does an Austin impersonation that leaves Rogue practically collapsed from laughing. Storm picks up the thread. 

STORM: Crackers. Cheesen Crackers. 

More laughter. Scott chips in.

SCOTT: (_holding his pinkie finger to his mouth_) Evil. Doctor Evil.

Rogue, still laughing hysterically, manages to gasp out her contribution.

ROGUE: Summers. Buffy Summers!

Scott sends her an amused look as Pyro pipes up again.

PYRO: Donalds. Mac Donalds.

Bobby picks up the foods idea.

BOBBY: Jacks. Hungry Jacks. 

Storm adds in. 

STORM: Ways. Sub Ways.

KAT walks into the midst of this. She looks around, and announces, perfectly seriously, 

KAT: Kat. Kit Kat.

Pause. Everyone suddenly bursts out laughing. Kat looks hurt.

KAT: That's my name!

The laughter continues as the DIRECTOR enters, with the TWINS in tow.

DIRECTOR: Personally I prefer Bounties. 

She takes a bite out of the one she was eating as she entered. Kat looks sulky. 

KAT: ANYway, I just came to tell ya'll the costumes are ready. And the transports are ready.

The Director suddenly gets her 'commanding' mode on again.

DIRECTOR: Right then! Everybody get over to Costume and Makeup and get ready, then out to the transports. See you all there ASAP!

Everyone heads out, following Kat. The Director calls after them.

DIRECTOR: And someone find that bloody Wolverine! 

The Twins slide up behind her.

TWIN ONE: He is in the gym, Mistress. 

TWIN TWO: Shall we fetch him for you?

She nods.

DIRECTOR: Take him down to C @ M with the others. See you at the transports. 

The Twins nod and ghost out through the wall. The Director stands there for a minute, then fishes a Discman out of her pocket and slips on her headphones. She hits 'Play' and wanders out singing along to Evanescence.  

Here be Thanks to our Reviewers:

Jenova: Ruby Quartz contacts, dear.

Spheksophobia: Thank you! For you, we will include a Llama! 

Steph: OUR FIRST MULTIPLE REVIEWER!!!! THANKYOUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!

Lexi: (Marina Say) Bah Logan. He sucks. (Kat gags her) Sorry about her. He'll be back.

Sethoz : We have absolutely NO intention of killing Pyro! He's too cool to die!  

RogueVampyr: OUR SECOND MILTIPLE REVIEWER!! Yes, we LOVE randomness! Yes, Logan will have a part!

SailorKatoChan: Yes, we updated!

Chapter Four on the way!!! (The Authors dance around madly) Here we goooooo!!!


	4. Costume and Makeup

~~A/N: Hello faithful readers! Greetings and welcome to Chapter Four!

We'd like to dedicate this chapter to Alex and Anna, our little friends… we love you people! Also to RogueVampyr, who has reviewed **_every single chapter_** of ours! THANKS HEAPS!!!

CHAPTER 4.

_Scene: Costume and makeup room. KAT is fussing around a rack of costumes, checking baskets, finding makeup, etc. SCOTT enters first, sauntering in with a relaxed air. He flops elegantly down in one of the chairs. Kat turns around and sees him._

KAT: Good. First one here.

_She pulls his outfit: a tuxedo, off the rack._

KAT Go put this on. 

_She gestures at the changing rooms over on the left. Scott takes the tux with a grin and vanishes into the change rooms. Next to enter is STORM. Kat looks up as she enters. Taking a pair of black, close-fitting pants that flare out at the bottom, a white shirt, black jacket and a pair of black heels, she points Storm in the direction of the (female) dressing rooms. BOBBY wanders in next. Kat looks at him and grins._

KAT: OK, Bobby boy… this is for _you._

_She produces a pair of black leather pants, a tight black T-shirt, a black leather bikie jacket and a pair of black boots. Bobby takes the ensemble with a grin and heads to change.  _

_ROGUE enters, humming softly. _

KAT: Hi Marie… This is for you. The change rooms are over there.

_She gestures with one hand, while with the other she pulls off the rack a pair of black leather pants, a black long sleeved top, a short black jacket and a pair of black high-heeled boots. Rogue takes it with a raised eyebrow, then wanders into the female change rooms. _

_Next JEAN arrives and wanders over to Kat. _

JEAN: OK, what am I wearing?

_KAT whispers something in her ear. _

_Beat._

_Evil grins erupt on both their faces.  _

_The DIRECTOR swans in and notes the smirks. She turns her Discman off and pulls her earphones out_

DIRECTOR: What's so funny?

_Kat whispers in her ear. _

_Beat._

_The Director's face breaks into a similar grin. _

DIRECTOR: Good one. Now where's my gear? 

Kat passes her a sensible skirt, sensible shoes, a jacket and white shirt. She puts her Discman down on a bench and vanishes into the changerooms.  Jean wanders back to the main hall to keep learning her lines. Next PYRO, MAGNETO, MYSTIQUE, PROFESSOR X, NIGHTCRAWLER, and a young Asian girl wander in. 

KAT: Ah! Right! Pyro…

_She passes him an outfit similar to Bobby's. _

KAT: Magneto…

A simple, yet elegant black suit, white shirt, black tie.

KAT: Mystique…

_A black vest and black hot pants._

KAT: Professor… 

_A black business suit. _

KAT: Nightcrawler…

_White lab coat over grey pants and a blue shirt._

KAT: And Alex! 

_She passes the Asian girl a black knee-length skirt with a light mauve silk shirt and a black jacket and heels. _

PYRO: (_to Alex) _Who're you? 

KAT: This is Alex. She's a friend of ours. The Director promised her a cameo.

DIRECTOR: (_emerging from the changerooms, dressed as Moneypenny_) Sure did! 

She hugs Alex before dropping into a chair in front of the mirrors along one wall.  Pulling out a hairbrush she starts brushing her long brown hair before twisting it into a knot at the back of her head, secured with hairpins. The newly arrives X-people look at her weirdly before going in to dress. Alex grins and follows. Kat slips over to the Director/Moneypenny and gives her a simple makeup job. The finished product? A perfect, simple-yet-classy look. The Director/Moneypenny checks herself out in the mirror, and is satisfied with it. A stream of muffled swearwords is heard, getting gradually louder as it comes closer. The door is kicked open and LOGAN enters, the TWINS behind him. Logan's hair is slightly damp: he's come from the gym after a shower. The Director/Moneypenny grins. 

DIRECTOR: (_sarcastically_) So glad you decided to grace us with your presence, _bub_. Now go get dressed. 

_The Wolverine looks _really_ pissed off at her but can't really do anything because of the Twins. He takes the bag Kat throws at him and goes to dress. _

DIRECTOR: Twins? Would you go find Jean and take her to the transports? 

KAT: And take these too, will you?

Kat hands them a rack of costumes each, and they exit. 

A minute later, Scott re-enters, tux on and immaculate. The Director/Moneypenny looks him over and grins while he does the same. 

DIRECTOR: (_grinning_) Good evening James. 

SCOTT: (_grinning back_) Good evening Moneypenny. 

Kat throws him a comb and he sits in front of the mirror fixing his rather unruly hair. A few minutes later, with a little gel, Scott's hair is perfect, and James Bond is ready. A voice from behind them announces: 

BOBBY: (_off-screen_) Look out world, Jason Frost is on the loose!

He makes his entrance, smirking. And damn, does he look good. Like a biker bad-boy. Kat tosses him a comb and some gel, and he steps in front of the mirror. A moment later, his blonde hair is gelled back, Draco Malfoy style as Kat lightly applies a dusting of powder to stop him looking so pale. 

Rogue then re-enters.

ROGUE: Ah feel like a refugee from 'Dark Angel'.

BOBBY: (admiring her new look) Am I complaining? You look stunning, Lucy Wilde. 

ROGUE: Charmed. 

A soft laugh sounds behind them as Rogue drops into a makeup chair. It's Storm. She looks simply fab in her outfit, she takes a seat next to Rogue and starts brushing her hair. Kat heads over to Rogue and applies a thin like of kohl around her eyes, a little bit of dark eye shadow and red lipstick. 

A few minutes later, Professor X wheels out, followed by Nightcrawler. Both of them need no makeup, so they sit around chatting to everyone. Not long after that, Magneto emerges, followed by Mystique. She has morphed into a tall, pale, black-haired woman. Magneto pulls up a chair and sits down while she stands. 

As soon as Magneto is seated, Pyro emerges. He has mussed up his hair and put in one red contact. He immediately goes over to Bobby and they stare at each other and both do bad-boy poses. Rogue looks from one to the other with a grin.

ROGUE: Ah think Ah've died and gone to heaven.

The Director/Moneypenny looks up from gazing in the mirror and looks at them.

DIRECTOR: Amen.

Bobby and Pyro smirk.  

ALEX: (coming out in her gear) Hey, when's Anna getting here?

DIRECTOR: Not sure. Kat, do you know?

KAT: Soon. She had to pick something up first.

Speak of the devil. ANNA promptly walks in carrying a pile of cloth. Everyone stares, even more so when ELLADAN and ELROHIR, Elrond's twin sons, enter behind her. She sees them all staring at her Twins.

ANNA: What? Kat said the Director had some so I could too!

The Director/Moneypenny glares at Kat, who smirks. 

DIRECTOR: Remind me to hurt you.

She clears her throat.

DIRECTOR: Is everyone ready?

KAT: No, Logan's not. 

Speak of the devil. The Wolverine re-enters, costumed and ready.  Kat nods.

KAT: Now we're ready.

DIRECTOR: OK. Kat and Anna: I want the rest of the costumes loaded ASAP.

KAT: There's just this bit left. Elladan and Elrohir can take them. 

She indicates two racks of costumes. The Director/Moneypenny nods. 

DIRECTOR: My Twins are also loading stuff. Everyone else: Follow me!

She sweeps out of the room followed by the X-Gang and Alex. She leads them down corridors, through rooms, past stuff, before they emerge from a side door. Two sleek, shiny shuttles are waiting. Kat, Anna and the elf-twins are busy loading the last of the costumes onto the second transport. The Director/Moneypenny herds the cast onto the first transport. 

DIRECTOR: Everyone sit tight, make yourselves comfortable, and here we go!

Once everyone is settled, belts on and all that, the Director heads into the cockpit, where the Twins are waiting. 

DIRECTOR: OK, let's go!

The first transport takes off as Kat and co. finish loading the second. Anna finishes checking something off, and the sound of Elvish swearwords reach her ears. She turns to see Elladan and Elrohir attempting to bring a llama on board! Both Twins are trying to pull the thing inside, but it's not co-operating. Anna watches, laughing hysterically. Kat emerges from the transport and takes in the scene. She sighs and walks over to them.she takes the llama's halter and it calms down immediately. She calmly leads it on board. 

ANNA: A llama?

KAT: (grinning) You'll see… 

They enter the transport and zoom away.

Here be muchos thanks to our reviewers:

Spheksophobia: You reviewed us twice!! Thank youuuuuu!! Viva la llamas indeed!!

Sethoz: Pyro is NOT dying! We love him too much! Hey… you've reviewed us before! Thankyouuuuuu!!

RogueVampyr: YOU'VE REVIEWED US THREE TIMES!!! WE LOVE YOU!!!!! Every Chapter you've reviewed! You ROCK!!!

Zi: Thanks heaps! Yeah, Mini-Me rules!

Mariana1: Ah the infamous cars… oh yeah. Magneto with a cat? Hadn't thought of that one… hmm…

Aman'mai: Hi Alex! We glad you like! Mmm… Bounties…     


End file.
